Maybe this rant will make you feel better...
But, for everyone else who's thinking that my credo really is, "I am Wimpy, hear me whine!" just hear me out.
Keep the Faith! Please don't give up because of me being "me".
I'm sorry for being quick to react. I need to work on it.
Of course sugar and stimulants don't help, but they're not the problem...
Of course my upbringing didn't help, but it's not the problem...
Of course the church doesn't seem to know how to help, but it's not the problem...
Of course you have the same exact problems as me, but you're not the problem...
How do I deal with my emotions in a healthy way? Do I react and try to "fix it"? Do I sit and have a good cry before I do anything rash?
Has anyone modeled what "healthy emotions" looks like? Not what worldly wisdom says is healthy, of course.
Is every decision supposed to be scrupulously calculated? Am I supposed to let emotions take the wheel from time to time? Even if that means I lose friends, break trust, and find myself alone in the world?
When must emotions be expressed or when should they be suppressed? I'd be quickly categorized a "narcissist" by people around me.
So, is that how I get the "people skills", by being my "authentic self" in full (un)glory? After which, people would help me grow and develop...right? Eh, No.
They'd hate me. For being so judgmental, though I'd be reflecting back to the world the judgmental-ism that I feel.
They'd leave me. For being mean, though I'd be reflecting back to the world its own meanness.
They'd cancel me. For being different, though they said, "Be yourself!"
'No, Michael, if you'd just give us a chance...'
I thought I did.
I thought you rejected "me".
I've changed to suit you, but I'm still not good enough.
I'm alone.
And I'm not alone.
There are countless of us rejected by the world.
We have been rejected, ostracized, oppressed, persecuted, enslaved, and killed.
Some of us have come to terms: c'est la vie, "that's life".
Some of us have changed to suit the world to fit in where we can.
But we are still estranged.
I have found these people.
Some are religious, but not all.
I am.
They say I'd make a good pastor. They'd come to my church.
"Religious people" don't like "me", though.
I don't have "people skills".
I think it's that I don't "tickle their ears".
In my study of psychology, this is likelier an answer. Do I have my problems?
Yes, of course, but we all do. The way I see the world seems to be so different from the hegemonic ways for which people seem to clamor.
That's not me. But...
Like St. Paul, I'll try---I'll try to be "all things to all people". How?
I don't have a FUMEING CLUE.
Help!
Jesus, please help me.
